I don't know where to go from here.

I've just felt so down in the dumps today. I feel terribly neglected. I've been yelled at non stop by Nick to quit smoking. I know I should. But too damned bad. All he does is insult me lately. I feel like I'm just a fucking nanny around here. I take care of the kids all day and get no appreciation for it. The days I do things he says "Oh you ACTUALLY did something" not "Thanks honey," or a compliment or anything. The days I just barely get the kids taken care of he bitches "WTF did you do all day? Sleep?" I'm tired of it. I want to go back to school get a job, and maybe just leave his ass. I'm tired of being just a throw rug to him. Meet his needs of being fed, and the kids taken care of and that's all I am to him. I just am fed up. But I guess I will be done bitching for now.

How time flies

Above Natalie and Nikolai Now 10-30-08

Nikolai Ethan above 5lbs 12.4 oz

Natalie Grace 3lbs 10.7 oz 03/20/08

It's unbelievable how much time flies. In the last 3 years almost all of my friends have had children. As well as myself. And time flies even faster when you have children. It seems like I've blinked and 6 months now has almost turned into 8 since I've had Natalie and Nikolai. I wish they would stay small longer. I remember when they were so tiny and itty bitty and they would stay in your arms all the time. Now at 8 months Nikolai is starting to push away from me and wants to scoot around on the floor. Natalie is little miss Independent. She's always been a loner, but at least I could hold her and she would lay down in my arms without being defiant. (she does NOT like to lay down in your arms). And now the time has come for my long time friend and his wife whom just now had a baby boy. And he's going to grow up so fast. Why must we be tortured with this growing up. Soon they will be running around the house chasing the cats, pulling their hair, then next will be school and graduation. I wish they would just stay small forever. But I know time must go on and they will grow whether I like it or not. But I am going to post then and now pics of my babies now.